3 marriage secrets you should never discuss with your friends

From a young age, we've turned to our friends and told them everything. And once you get married, the need to tell-all gets stronger than ever. "It's tempting to share because you want support, a sounding board, and someone to be on your side," says Sharon Rivkin, Santa Rosa-based marriage counselor and author of Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy.Online shop

But dishing everything to your closest gal pals can backfire. Not only can you ruin trust with your spouse, Rivkin says, but your friends' projections could make you even more confused over the secret you've spilled. So with that in mind, here are three marriage secrets you should keep to yourself.

1. The intimate details of your sex life.
Before you tied the knot, you may have dished every detail of your sexual encounters with your soon-to-be spouse. But now that you're married, your spouse may expect you to keep some sexual experiences to yourself. "For certain couples, there are sex secrets that at least one of them hopes to keep private from friends and family," explains relationship expert and advice columnist April Masini. "This may be a fetish, a favorite position, a frequency rate, or something similar." So before you divulge all the details, Masini recommends doing a temperature check with your spouse or partner what's A-OK to share about your sex life.

2. Your spouse's income and debts.
Masini says money is often considered a private issue. And it can embarrass your partner if you talk about how much he or she makes or the debt he or she brought into your marriage. Not only that, Masini says, but divulging certain money stats can make your friends downright uncomfortable, depending on their own situations. "Sharing income or debt information seems like a natural conversation topic," she commiserates, "but when you find friends acting weirdly, you may realize that disclosing your income made them feel uncomfortable, or that disclosing what something cost or how much your husband's raise was can make them feel awkward about themselves." To be safe, Masini recommends steering clear of money topics altogether.

3. Anything you've been told to keep in confidence.
Your partner may have shared something with you, then quickly asked you to keep it quiet. And despite the temptation to gossip with your girlfriends — ladies you know will never let the word get back to your spouse — it's best to "keep certain confidences sacred within your marriage," says Rivkin. "If you know that something is going to hurt your partner in any deep way, it should be kept to yourself." If the secret issue in question is something you must discuss, Rivkin advises seeking professional help rather than a friend's ear. "It's understandable that we all need to vent, but for delicate issues, seek professional help to get an unbiased look at your situation," she says. "Friends are not the best choice for the clarity you're seeking."

things to consider when choosing your wedding destination

It's totally natural to know you want a destination wedding, but have no idea where you actually want to get married. Chances are you're picturing either palm trees or snow in your wedding photos — and that's exactly where you should start planning.

Most wedding planning is about what the bride and groom want — figuring how to reflect your own taste and style in the food and décor. But when you're initially choosing where you're going to get married, you have to take your guests into consideration before making a final decision. If it's important to have your closest family and friends with you on your wedding day, make sure you choose someplace they can actually join you.

Here are the five questions you need to ask yourself before finalizing your wedding location.

1. Are any of your VIP guests unable to fly?
If so, you need to choose a destination within driving distance of that person if your wedding day would be incomplete without their presence. Historic landmarks and beautiful vineyards can be fun, drive-able destinations.

2. Do your guests have passports?
If you're considering getting married outside the United States, this is an issue for some guests. You don't need a passport for Puerto Rico or the U.S. Virgin Islands, and you don't even have to go through U.S. Customs for Puerto Rico, making travel even easier. But if you're considering Mexico or Jamaica or Italy or another international destination, be sure to give your guests the information at least six months ahead of time so they can get their passports if they don't already have them.


3. Have you traveled someplace in the past that made an indelible mark on your memory?
Perhaps someplace you visited with your fiancé. You may have stayed in a yurt, or just visited a spot for a day on a cruise, but if you liked the destination, research potential wedding venues. If it's an important place to you and your hubby-to-be, sharing an important day there with your family could be spectacular.

4. What is there for your guests to do at your destination, other than attend your wedding?
They're spending a lot of time and money to travel to be with you, so their accommodations and entertainment should be of paramount importance to your planning. If you're getting married in the mountains in the winter, try to leave a free day for those who want to ski. Likewise with beach time for your guests in the tropics. But also keep in mind what activities are available for those who don't ski or beach in their downtime. You want to keep everybody as busy as they want to be.


5. Can your guests afford the accommodations available at your destination?
Are you signing a contract that requires everybody to stay together someplace in order for you to meet your numbers, and if so, can your guests handle that expense? It's better to offer a variety of price-point options for your guests because some of them will turn your wedding weekend into their extended vacation, and want to spend less and stay longer.

Sandy Malone is the owner of Sandy Malone Weddings & Events, a full-service traditional and destination wedding planning company and Do-It-Yourself wedding planning consulting service for DIY brides and grooms based in the Washington, DC area. Sandy is the star of TLC's reality show "Wedding Island," about her destination wedding planning company, Weddings in Vieques. Sandy's book "How to Plan Your Own Destination Wedding: Do-It-Yourself Tips from an Experienced Professional," will be released on March 1st, but is available online for wedding dresses pre-orders now where books are sold.

5 ways to end your wedding with a bang

Get your minds out of the gutter, brides! Of course we're not talking about an actual bang, although that could be an article in itself considering many newlyweds don't actually "do it" on their wedding night. What we're referring to though is making sure the final minutes of your reception are out of this world, unforgettable.  Sweetheart Mermaid Sleeveless Court Train Wedding Dress

In other words, how do you go out with a big bang? From confetti cannons to wish lanterns, we've got a few ideas up our sleeve.

1. Rent confetti cannons
Obviously, you'll need to check with your venue first to see if they're even allowed. If so, this is such a fun idea, says wedding planner Ashley Smith, founder of Buzzworthy Events. She recommends getting metallic or all white confetti. For the boho bride and groom, opt for an explosion of color instead.

2. Set off fireworks
Because baby you're a firework! On a real note, what could be more magical than a professional firework show to wrap up the night? If it's in your budget and you've got the green light, blow your guests away by lighting up the sky all in the name of love. The pictures will be worth a thousand words, and we can almost guarantee you won't be the only couple feeling fireworks.

3. Play the same day edit of your wedding video
You'll definitely want to discuss this option with your videographer beforehand, but if they offer it and can add it to your package there's nothing guests love more. It's a sweet surprise for everyone, yourselves included, and gives those that weren't able to get ready with you a behind the scenes look into your entire day.

4. Make a wish
Kelly Heyn, lead planner and owner of SociaLife, suggests casting wish lanterns into the sky at the end of the night. Make sure there's enough for everyone, and have guests write their well wishes for the newlyweds on each lantern, as well as a cute little wish card (a great idea in lieu of a guest book!) that the couple can keep and read later.

5. Hire a gospel troop 
Yes, really! As Larry Scott, president of Lawrence Scott Events, points out, the end of the party should bring family and friends together to feel good and a 50 person gospel troop belting out classics like Ain't No Mountain High Enough and Seasons of Love will definitely do that. "If you can't afford the gospel singers, have your band play music that will make people stop and reminisce and feel the love for the last half hour or so."

3 wedding ideas we love right now

You'd never plan your wedding at work (cough, cough) — but your lunch break is a whole other story! For your weekly roundup, we picked gorgeous real weddings, pretty style details, and helpful tips from across the web.

Hosting a winter wedding has never been easier thanks to this roundup of gorgeous holiday-themed inspiration (that doesn't veer into tacky territory). The key to pulling off a classic holiday wedding lies in tying seasonal motifs into your big-day défor, like hanging vibrant wreaths with a simple red bow or using Christmas lights to create a cozy, romantic ceremony setting. —POPSUGAR

Colored engagement rings are getting all the attention lately — from Kate Middleton's sapphire ring to Iggy Azalea's canary yellow diamond. For brides sporting some colored bling, did you know there's a special meaning behind that sparkler? Lucky for you, we've done some research and uncovered what your ring says about you and your relationship. —Brides

This urban San Francisco wedding featured both elegant, historic architecture and natural, wispy details creating a beautiful collision of differing aesthetics that is an absolute joy to see come together (and guaranteed to give you butterflies). Click through this couple's sun-drenched, cliffside portraits and you'll see exactly what what we mean. —OnceWed

Beat the afternoon slump with these energizing snacks that are perfect for a mid-day treat. Incorporate delicious vitamin-packed foods like pumpkin pudding or a green tea mango smoothie (yum!) for a healthy and delicious way to boost that productivity at work during the late AM. —Well + Good

'Tis the season for holiday parties, and you know what means — holiday cocktails! Get creative and festive with your party drinks by following these easy recipes featuring gorgeous glasses, glittery antler stir sticks, and fresh garnishes to top it all off. —100 Layer Cake

QUESTIONS TO ASK A BRIDAL DRESSMAKER

Can I see a portfolio of wedding dresses?
Professional dressmakers will proudly present a wedding portfolio of their best and most recent wedding dress photos sometimes accompanied with a display of highly sought after fabrics. This will hopefully showcase a range of wedding styles and therefore the diverse capabilities of nothing less than an experienced wedding dressmaker.

Are you able to make a designer wedding dress?
If you’re looking to save some dollars you may consider a designer wedding dress made by a dressmaker for a fraction of the in-store price. Ask to see photos of designer wedding dresses and also take a bridal magazine tear-out of that stunning dress you’ve set your heart on to your first consult.

How many wedding dress fittings are expected?
Disgruntlements with your dressmaker typically revolve around the timing or amount of wedding dress fittings, or lack thereof. Make sure the number of fittings is specified on paper or your invoice / receipt and find out what additional costs are charged for additional fittings, if permitted.
Bear in mind, a wedding dress is usually fitted a week or two out from the wedding day for final adjustments.

Can you work with me as I plan to shed some kilos?
Competent bridal dressmakers can work around the changing weight and shape of the bride-to-be, though if considerable change is expected then this should be one talking point with your dressmaker.

Do you make bridesmaids dresses?
Dressmakers are usually capable of making bridesmaids dresses for all females of the bridal party, and not just the wedding gown alone. Again, it is advisable to look through the dressmakers portfolio of bridesmaids dresses.
The advantage of being able to theme styles by the same dressmaker outweighs going to a different provider for different and potentially unmatching bridesmaids dresses. As a bride-to-be you’re usually responsible for coordinating fittings, or at least delegating the co-ordination of, on a number of occasions with each bridesmaid and the dressmaker.

Can you make mother-of-brides dresses?
This is a great question to ask, as it can be quite time-saving to have your garments made by one dressmaker. You might also appreciate your mother’s company and feedback whilst trying on your own dress.


Can you make flower girl dresses?
In some cases excess material and accessories can be put towards a flower girl’s dress, so check with your dressmaker if this cost-saving’s approach work with them. Be wary that some dressmakers do not work on children’s wear at all.

How long will it take to make a wedding dress?
Obviously, the more complicated the detail in the dress, the longer it can take to complete, anywhere from 3 to 12 months. Additional fittings or special dress features such as embroidered bodices to hand-sewn lace additions or excessive hooks for back straps can elongate the wait.

What costs are involved?
Labour is the key cost, but it’s nice to find out what the total cost includes and excludes such as fabrics, accessories, additional fittings and so on.
Due to dressmakers close relationship with material stores, dressmakers can often attract trade discounts on fabric and associated accessories such as threads, beads, sequins, lace and more. It may be cheaper for you to source material through your dressmaker than directly via a fabric store.

4 people you will need to gift before your wedding

For the bride-to-be, every week may start to feel like Christmas, when gifts start arriving at your doorstep throughout the wedding adventure. You'll see the items fly off your registry, and you'll start to get paper cuts from the envelopes filled with delightful cards and generous gifts on your wedding day. But before you take inventory on the presents addressed to you and your fiancé, spend some time picking out the perfect gifts for a few key players helping you out with your wedding. Here are four people you'll want to wrap up something nice for. Customized wedding dresses 

1. Your Gals
When you select your bridesmaids, you'll want to ask them to take on that fabulous role with a fun, little gift and perhaps a sweet card too. On the day of the wedding, you can also surprise them with another — thank you for being here for me — gift. Whether it's a piece of jewelry they can wear with their bridesmaid dress or something more casual like a robe to get ready in — or a decorative tote bag to carry around — bridesmaids gifts are essential for the day.

2. Your Groom
Consider getting your groom a surprise gift to send over to him on the morning of the wedding. The gift can be something personal and meaningful between the two of you or something fun you think he'd like to wear on the wedding day— think funny socks or cufflinks.

3. Your Tag Team of Helpers
Maybe it's your mother and the mother of the groom — or a close family member or friend — that's been by your side through the planning process and helping you with all the decision-making. To say a giant thank you to them for their time and brainpower, you can get them a little gift — like a gift certificate to a spa or take them to get their nails done before the wedding.

4. Your Trusty Vendors
Most couples will tip their vendors on the day of the wedding, but if you don't want to give them cash, you can get them a small gift instead — especially if they've gone above and beyond for you and your wedding day.

Jen Glantz is a "Professional Bridesmaid" and the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire. She's the author of All My Friends Are Engaged and frequently wears old bridesmaid dresses to the grocery store and on first dates.

How to plan for wedding-day troublemakers

Basic bride, you are not! You're the type of girl that aspires to start Pinterest trends, not follow them, and you'd rather die than have your wedding be called cookie-cutter (okay, not actually die, but you do desperately want it to be different than the five you've already attended this year!). So how do you go about achieving that one of a kind, infectious vibe? For a wedding that's so you (and your groom!), try these ideas on for size. Fashion wedding gown

Avoid booking a package deal
Take some time to really research and check out potential venue options in person, and find out if you're locked in to using a certain caterer, bar service, etc. if you sign on the dotted line. The more freedom you have to bring in vendors that align with your particular style and preferences, the more unique your wedding will naturally be. Why? Well because you're literally curating everything, from the chair rentals to the dinner menu.

Write your own vows
It's one of the most intimate and special ways couples can personalize their wedding, and you can guarantee that no other ceremony will be quite like yours. With that said though, reciting the traditional vows doesn't automatically doom you to having a "basic" big day. Just like mixing high and low in fashion, it's nice to mix the modern with the classic in weddings.

Think outside of the box when it comes to music
In other words, don't haphazardly pick popular hits like Ed Sheehan’s "Thinking Out Loud" for your first dance song just because it's such an easy choice. Opt for something upbeat and happy, as opposed to sweet and sappy, that truly speaks to you as a couple. Or search for a cute indie tune that sums up your relationship perfectly. Warning: this could take some time, but your efforts will totally pay off!

Get creative with food
Forget the standard steak, chicken and fish dishes, and excite your guests with wedding food that's as creative as you are. This could be in the form of small plates, chef stations, a family style meal or heck, you could even bring in a bunch of food trucks to feed everyone. Rather than the typical "sliders and fries" or tacos as a late night snack, LA-based wedding planner Lisa Vorce recommends passing snacks or treats that evoke a touch of home. "Grandma's famous peanut butter cookies anyone?"

Make your cocktail hour interactive
Your wedding guests will eat this idea right up! For example, you can create a specialized vintage wine bar(perhaps from the year you met?) and a cheese display comprised of all your favorites, suggests Vorce. "Then bring in a sommelier or a fromager to give a little history and education of the wine and cheese." No doubt your friends and family won't soon forget this experience.

Spoil your out of town guests with gifts they'll actually use
Instead of a handing out a single welcome bag full of goodies at the beginning of the wedding weekend, why not break up your gifts into mini amenities to be enjoyed throughout? "For instance, you can deliver donuts and coffee to each guest's hotel room the morning of the big day and have an evening sweet treat waiting on them when they get home from the reception," says Vorce. "Guests love being thought of and love being spoiled with surprises even more!"